a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
