i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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