Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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