ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
