went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
