Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
