Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you would pick up someone in the library
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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