I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize