Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
last night I used snow as a chaser
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
