Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
a search helicopter?!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
