it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
