You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize