and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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