I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
