yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
