and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
not ubering you a puppy
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