I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
