I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
