Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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