Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
