kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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