i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize