Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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