He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
