Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
