You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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