Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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