"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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