he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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