do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
