Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize