We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
