i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
