last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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