It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
