Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
