I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
