If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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