This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
