Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize