I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
