matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
