you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
