i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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