What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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