He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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