there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
