sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
