You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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