I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
