I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
everyone is single if you try hard enough
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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