1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
