I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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