So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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