How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
soo... how was my night?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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