My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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