I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
