I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
