Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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