i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
