We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
