Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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