so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize