At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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