oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
