Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
