She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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