6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
